I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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