so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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