He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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