I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Congratulations! We have a period
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