A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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