Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize