I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she pinky promised me she was 18
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You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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