Jerry, you need to find god
She said her name was "party"
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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