o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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