thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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