1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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