Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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