you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize