So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
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I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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