I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize