So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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