I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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