he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
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Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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