I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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