Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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