I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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