In the future we'll all be gay
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize