Your tits are I can't wait for
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
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She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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