having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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