I heard we made out
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize