I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
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Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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