I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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