I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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