Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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