you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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