I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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