ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize