It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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