why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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