Where is the hickey?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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