I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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