i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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