Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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