It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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