My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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