I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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