She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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