today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
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I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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