I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
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i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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