I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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