loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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