$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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