I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize