If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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