i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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