sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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